When pursuing your goals and striving for happiness, there are certain phases that we go through that unfold our world into greater and greater degrees of vitality and aliveness. As you begin to practice these it may seem, as it did for me, that your world is becoming larger and that you are offered a wider and expanding selection of options and emotions to experience. You begin to see new possibilities that seemed unimaginable before.
This is not a linear progression that you do once and expect everything to be perfect afterwards. This is a continual process that will unfold to you more and more over time as you cultivate it, like peeling layers off of an onion. The following are the five stages of authentic living. These are only a brief overview. I will be expanding on these in future postings.
1. Awareness
Are you aware of what is happening around you or are you checked-out and oblivious? Awareness means being conscious to your surroundings, your body, and your feelings. Awareness means being alive in this present moment. When someone asks you, "How are you?" do you instantly respond thoughtlessly with "fine" or "okay," or do you stop and check in with yourself. Maybe you're not fine. Maybe a more honest answer is "I'm tired and a little hungry." Do you pay attention to what is happening around you while you're working? Do you put all of your attention on the task at hand and execute it with care an precision, or are you too caught up multi-tasking? Is your mind off preparing you for a meeting while you're talking to clients on the phone and typing up e-mails full of typos and errors?
2. Acceptance
Okay, so you're aware of what is going on around you. This is where acceptance comes in. Acceptance means welcoming in what you are aware of and not fighting against it. You may not like it, but fighting against it is just a waste of energy and the cause of all suffering. When something happens that you don't like, instead of fighting it, breathe it in and welcome it into your life--because like it or not, it's there and there's no use trying to deny it.
3. Composure
What are your values? What is your life about? Is what you are experiencing taking you toward or away from where you want to be? This is composure. Composure is aligning your life to your goals and dreams, and it is standing up for what you believe in. The two ways we lose composure are through surrendering our values and through faking that we are something that we are not. If you are not used to it, stepping into composure can be frightening at first, but owning your experiences and your desires is integral to authentic living.
4. Completeness
Completeness is a state in which you feel fully at ease with who you are and your life. From here there is nothing you need and nothing to cling to. it may involve healing old emotional scars you may have and releasing uncomfortable emotions that you have been holding onto or unwilling to experience for quite some time. The self-reflection may be highly emotionally charged, but the catharsis you feel afterward is this sense of being complete and whole as you are.
5. Authenticity
At this point, authenticity will naturally flow out of you. You don't need to worry about this part. It's more a freedom and aliveness that comes from practicing the previous four stages. And as you continue to practice awareness, acceptance, composure, and completeness, you will find that your authentic expressions of life continue to grow and become much richer and rewarding experiences.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
2009 - My Best Year Yet!
The past two years have been pretty big years for me. I've gotten over my shyness, moved to a new city, enrolled in grad school, and many other things. However, I have big plans for 2009. Here are the goals I'm working on this year:
1. Finish School. I have one semester to go and I'll have a freshly-minted masters degree and they'll turn me and all my crazy ideas loose onto the world! The only problem: I have to do my thesis this semester...
2. Move out of Phoenix. I'm sure Phoenix is a great place for some people, with it's abundant seven-lane roads, Circle K stores, and heat that literally makes you fear being outside... it just isn't for me. This year, I'm going to move to a new city. One that fits my personality better.
3. Get a Job. In order to obtain a professional license in my career, I'll need to work for a few years and "pay my dues."
4. Get in Shape. I'm tired of being a wimpy, scrawny guy that gets winded every time he runs up a flight of stairs. I know I'll be busy with school this year, but I'm going to make time to get in shape.
5. Learn Japanese. I've always wanted to learn Japanese, and a trip to Tokyo last year has really inspired me. For now, I have one of those page-a-day calendars to help me practice the kanji characters, but once I'm done with school, I would like to take some Japanese classes.
6. Play the Guitar. I've wanted to do this for awhile too. I probably won't have much time while I'm in school, but I'm going to start learning this year.
7. Get in Touch with Relatives. I have a lot of relatives that I don't really know at all. I'd like to change this this year. I'm going to send letters to some addresses that I swiped out of my mom's address book and see if I can get some new pen pals.
8. Get My Art Displayed. I need to find an artistic "muse" and produce some sort of coherent series of paintings that I can get displayed somewhere.
So, those are my goals for 2009. I'm going to start small by building some daily habits (see below). And we'll see how far I can get. I think this year is going to be pretty fun!
1. Finish School. I have one semester to go and I'll have a freshly-minted masters degree and they'll turn me and all my crazy ideas loose onto the world! The only problem: I have to do my thesis this semester...
2. Move out of Phoenix. I'm sure Phoenix is a great place for some people, with it's abundant seven-lane roads, Circle K stores, and heat that literally makes you fear being outside... it just isn't for me. This year, I'm going to move to a new city. One that fits my personality better.
3. Get a Job. In order to obtain a professional license in my career, I'll need to work for a few years and "pay my dues."
4. Get in Shape. I'm tired of being a wimpy, scrawny guy that gets winded every time he runs up a flight of stairs. I know I'll be busy with school this year, but I'm going to make time to get in shape.
5. Learn Japanese. I've always wanted to learn Japanese, and a trip to Tokyo last year has really inspired me. For now, I have one of those page-a-day calendars to help me practice the kanji characters, but once I'm done with school, I would like to take some Japanese classes.
6. Play the Guitar. I've wanted to do this for awhile too. I probably won't have much time while I'm in school, but I'm going to start learning this year.
7. Get in Touch with Relatives. I have a lot of relatives that I don't really know at all. I'd like to change this this year. I'm going to send letters to some addresses that I swiped out of my mom's address book and see if I can get some new pen pals.
8. Get My Art Displayed. I need to find an artistic "muse" and produce some sort of coherent series of paintings that I can get displayed somewhere.
So, those are my goals for 2009. I'm going to start small by building some daily habits (see below). And we'll see how far I can get. I think this year is going to be pretty fun!
One Goal Each Month
Okay. It's a new year and I'm about to leave Washington State and return to Arizona for my final semester of school. I have essentially put my resolutions on hold until I return, but I suppose I can't stay in a comfortable holiday coma forever...
Once I touch down at PHX, I will begin working on a few goals of my own. I've recently started reading a blog called Zen Habits, which advocates goal achievement through building simple and incredibly easy habits, one at a time for a 30 day period.
So, starting tomorrow, I will work on exercising 10 minutes a day every morning when I first wake up.
Once I touch down at PHX, I will begin working on a few goals of my own. I've recently started reading a blog called Zen Habits, which advocates goal achievement through building simple and incredibly easy habits, one at a time for a 30 day period.
So, starting tomorrow, I will work on exercising 10 minutes a day every morning when I first wake up.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Book Review: All I Asking For Is My Body
I first picked up the short book All I Asking for is My Body by Milton Murayama at a small bookstore in Seattle. I was looking for a book book by my favorite author Haruki Murakami, and this one happened to catch my eye. It was short, it looked interesting, and I didn't know it at the time, but it put the fight back into me.
The story is about a Japanese-American family in Hawaii during the '30s and '40s. The main character Kiyoshi Oyama is one of two sons in the family. Both him and his brother feel trapped as they waste away their lives fulfilling their filial duty by trying to repay their parents' sizable debt. Their frustrated attempts to overcome their situation and the demands placed on them by the society they live in is an excellent inspiration. This book gave me the strength and courage to dream of a life outside of what my current reality was.
I strongly recommend this book if you feel like you've lost the ability to dream big or if you feel like your current situation in life has you trapped. I hope this book will breathe some life back into you the same way it did to me.
The story is about a Japanese-American family in Hawaii during the '30s and '40s. The main character Kiyoshi Oyama is one of two sons in the family. Both him and his brother feel trapped as they waste away their lives fulfilling their filial duty by trying to repay their parents' sizable debt. Their frustrated attempts to overcome their situation and the demands placed on them by the society they live in is an excellent inspiration. This book gave me the strength and courage to dream of a life outside of what my current reality was.
I strongly recommend this book if you feel like you've lost the ability to dream big or if you feel like your current situation in life has you trapped. I hope this book will breathe some life back into you the same way it did to me.
My Story
I used to be asleep.
Not just in bed at night, but 24/7. Day in, day out, I would sleepwalk through my entire life. I was working a dead-end job, stuck in a lifeless relationship, and completely unaware of my feelings and emotions. I was shut down and oblivious to everything that I've come to enjoy the most about life. I was vaguely dissatisfied with life, but every time I even began to think about changing my situation, something held me back--FEAR.
This went on for quite some time, until I went on a camping trip in 2005 to Kalaloch on the Washington peninsula right next to the ocean. One night, I went out onto the beach for a walk. It was very dark and all the other campers were sound asleep. The only light I could see was the full moon and its shimmering pale light shining off of the wet sand on the beach. I remember feeling afraid. Afraid of the darkness that hid me from the rest of the world, afraid of the massive power of the ocean roaring so near me, and afraid of the sublime feeling of the whole situation.
I would have normally taken this as a sign to go back to camp for the night, but something strange got into me. I suddenly felt a strong urge to defy my feelings of fear and walk out into the ocean. Step by step, I soon found the cold dark water lapping up against my feet. I kept going deeper and deeper. Soon my legs were struggling against the thick water and I realized I was up to my waist in ocean water.
I stopped and looked around. I was completely terrified! I felt completely vulnerable and alone. At anytime the Pacific could just sweep me away into its vast darkness and no one could do anything to stop it. I relaxed into this terror and allowed myself to feel exactly how afraid I was.
I didn't realize it then, but by the time I trudged back to camp, I was a new man. The whole experience flipped a switch inside me. Suddenly fear wasn't a reason to back down or play it safe, but fear because a reason to take a bold step forward and challenge myself. My life began to change after that. I found a better job, I went back to school, I found new hobbies, and I left my bad relationship and learned to love myself.
I am starting this blog to help others by sharing what I have found most useful in pursuing my dreams and overcoming personal obstacles to success. I hope you find the information and suggestions here helpful.
Yours,
Clayton
Not just in bed at night, but 24/7. Day in, day out, I would sleepwalk through my entire life. I was working a dead-end job, stuck in a lifeless relationship, and completely unaware of my feelings and emotions. I was shut down and oblivious to everything that I've come to enjoy the most about life. I was vaguely dissatisfied with life, but every time I even began to think about changing my situation, something held me back--FEAR.
This went on for quite some time, until I went on a camping trip in 2005 to Kalaloch on the Washington peninsula right next to the ocean. One night, I went out onto the beach for a walk. It was very dark and all the other campers were sound asleep. The only light I could see was the full moon and its shimmering pale light shining off of the wet sand on the beach. I remember feeling afraid. Afraid of the darkness that hid me from the rest of the world, afraid of the massive power of the ocean roaring so near me, and afraid of the sublime feeling of the whole situation.
I would have normally taken this as a sign to go back to camp for the night, but something strange got into me. I suddenly felt a strong urge to defy my feelings of fear and walk out into the ocean. Step by step, I soon found the cold dark water lapping up against my feet. I kept going deeper and deeper. Soon my legs were struggling against the thick water and I realized I was up to my waist in ocean water.
I stopped and looked around. I was completely terrified! I felt completely vulnerable and alone. At anytime the Pacific could just sweep me away into its vast darkness and no one could do anything to stop it. I relaxed into this terror and allowed myself to feel exactly how afraid I was.
I didn't realize it then, but by the time I trudged back to camp, I was a new man. The whole experience flipped a switch inside me. Suddenly fear wasn't a reason to back down or play it safe, but fear because a reason to take a bold step forward and challenge myself. My life began to change after that. I found a better job, I went back to school, I found new hobbies, and I left my bad relationship and learned to love myself.
I am starting this blog to help others by sharing what I have found most useful in pursuing my dreams and overcoming personal obstacles to success. I hope you find the information and suggestions here helpful.
Yours,
Clayton
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